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Thursday, August 20, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday with Pauline
By the time I return to Buffalo Sunday evening June 7th, I will have spent four weeks in the Carolinas. So it seems appropriate that my last long drive weaves between both States.
I have written about my times with Pauline, my son-in-law Peter's mother, who has Alzheimer's. I have known Pauline since Lizanne and Pete married in 1987. She is a lovely, sweet, considerate, Christian woman who, as a mother, has had the trials of Job. Job must have been a glass-half-full kind of person. I know Pauline has tried her best to see the glass half full . . . but the years, fears, and tears took their toll.
Of her four children, two (Pete and Janice) are wonderful people and parents, pillars of their communities. One (David) died in his mid-20s from a brain tumor he battled since early childhood. His short life, however, would be a model for living with adversity, as he always gave more than he took, while managing to earn an engineering degree and landing a good job with a major firm. The 4th child (John), graduated from medical school, but then had a breakdown and has been largely dependent on his parents ever since. (Very similar to my breakdown after law school, at which time my father was already deceased and my mother was in a nursing home. My children were grown. I had no choice but to manage on my own.)
Still, there is no way to undo the past, and so we move on, dragging the past with us.
At this time, Pauline no longer seems to think. But she feels. She expresses emotions very clearly: anger, sadness, happiness, jealousy. And fear, I think, but it is hard to separate fear when it seems mixed with anger or jealousy. She does not respond to verbalizations, but she does respond to facial expression, to laughter, to tears, to smiles, to expressions of pain.
Yesterday I took her for what turned out to be a 5-hour drive.
I attempted to get her to look at the camera for a picture when we were at Pretty Place. The Symes chapel there is simply lovely with a breathtaking view. On a clear day. We had a miserable day for picture taking, but a lovely drive all the same.
My first stop was at Caesar's Head. I think both sites are on Cedar Mountain, though the mountain names seemed to change with the turns, many of which were hairpin with a sudden angle up of 20 or 30 degrees.
The GPS I'd set for 200 Solomon Jones Rd, Cedar Mountain-- the address I'd found for Pretty Place (part of Camp Greenville). Most of the mountain driving was with "lost satellite reception," but it kicked in just in time to say, "arriving at destination." Hello? Nothing but a single dirt road into the woods. So I took it.
By the time I'd managed to get turned around and back on the "main" road, I realized I was on "Solomon Jones Rd," my set destination. But the road was long, and winding.
I took a few pix at Caesar's Head, no view to be had because of the clouds and rain, but still a lovely place. There, as at Pretty Place, I did not take Pauline out of the car. She seemed best, and least agitated, just chatting away in the confines of the seat belt. I didn't want to be physically fighting with her to get her back in the car.
Table Rock is another name and/or area in this part of the mountains, and the park ranger at the visitors center showed me how the roads I'm traveling wend and wind between North and South Carolina. The elevation at Caesar's Head was nearly 4,000 feet. Pretty Place seemed to be slightly less.
The last picture on our way down the mountain:
We'd had bottles of water. I never got to mine as it ended up under Pauline's feet, and she refused each offer of the straw in her bottle. She'd had a couple bites of chocolate (I know because I'd placed them in her mouth) and I thought she'd eaten most of the gummy fruits which I'd bought at the visitors center. I had put a few into her mouth, one at a time, of course; and soon she was waving the empty bag around. But when I returned her to Alex, as we helped her out of the car, I'm finding gummy fruits stuck all over the seat and legs of her pants. She looked like Christmas.
It must have been hunger that motivated her to gobble up four chicken nuggets and take a few sips of vanilla shake along our return route. She very much liked the chicken nuggets.
Spending time with Pauline this past four weeks has been an honor and an adventure. Caring for her at home can only get more difficult for Alex. I wish them both many travels and happy trails.
I have written about my times with Pauline, my son-in-law Peter's mother, who has Alzheimer's. I have known Pauline since Lizanne and Pete married in 1987. She is a lovely, sweet, considerate, Christian woman who, as a mother, has had the trials of Job. Job must have been a glass-half-full kind of person. I know Pauline has tried her best to see the glass half full . . . but the years, fears, and tears took their toll.
Of her four children, two (Pete and Janice) are wonderful people and parents, pillars of their communities. One (David) died in his mid-20s from a brain tumor he battled since early childhood. His short life, however, would be a model for living with adversity, as he always gave more than he took, while managing to earn an engineering degree and landing a good job with a major firm. The 4th child (John), graduated from medical school, but then had a breakdown and has been largely dependent on his parents ever since. (Very similar to my breakdown after law school, at which time my father was already deceased and my mother was in a nursing home. My children were grown. I had no choice but to manage on my own.)
Still, there is no way to undo the past, and so we move on, dragging the past with us.
At this time, Pauline no longer seems to think. But she feels. She expresses emotions very clearly: anger, sadness, happiness, jealousy. And fear, I think, but it is hard to separate fear when it seems mixed with anger or jealousy. She does not respond to verbalizations, but she does respond to facial expression, to laughter, to tears, to smiles, to expressions of pain.
Yesterday I took her for what turned out to be a 5-hour drive.
I attempted to get her to look at the camera for a picture when we were at Pretty Place. The Symes chapel there is simply lovely with a breathtaking view. On a clear day. We had a miserable day for picture taking, but a lovely drive all the same.
My first stop was at Caesar's Head. I think both sites are on Cedar Mountain, though the mountain names seemed to change with the turns, many of which were hairpin with a sudden angle up of 20 or 30 degrees.
The GPS I'd set for 200 Solomon Jones Rd, Cedar Mountain-- the address I'd found for Pretty Place (part of Camp Greenville). Most of the mountain driving was with "lost satellite reception," but it kicked in just in time to say, "arriving at destination." Hello? Nothing but a single dirt road into the woods. So I took it.
By the time I'd managed to get turned around and back on the "main" road, I realized I was on "Solomon Jones Rd," my set destination. But the road was long, and winding.
I took a few pix at Caesar's Head, no view to be had because of the clouds and rain, but still a lovely place. There, as at Pretty Place, I did not take Pauline out of the car. She seemed best, and least agitated, just chatting away in the confines of the seat belt. I didn't want to be physically fighting with her to get her back in the car.
Table Rock is another name and/or area in this part of the mountains, and the park ranger at the visitors center showed me how the roads I'm traveling wend and wind between North and South Carolina. The elevation at Caesar's Head was nearly 4,000 feet. Pretty Place seemed to be slightly less.
The last picture on our way down the mountain:
We'd had bottles of water. I never got to mine as it ended up under Pauline's feet, and she refused each offer of the straw in her bottle. She'd had a couple bites of chocolate (I know because I'd placed them in her mouth) and I thought she'd eaten most of the gummy fruits which I'd bought at the visitors center. I had put a few into her mouth, one at a time, of course; and soon she was waving the empty bag around. But when I returned her to Alex, as we helped her out of the car, I'm finding gummy fruits stuck all over the seat and legs of her pants. She looked like Christmas.
It must have been hunger that motivated her to gobble up four chicken nuggets and take a few sips of vanilla shake along our return route. She very much liked the chicken nuggets.
Spending time with Pauline this past four weeks has been an honor and an adventure. Caring for her at home can only get more difficult for Alex. I wish them both many travels and happy trails.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Foulkes in Cary, North Carolina
What a delicious weekend Mary Kay and I had: Movies, food, more food and more movies, and lovely long and meandering talks down Memory Lane. I arrived Friday night, having driven without air conditioning from Simpsonville, SC. Because of the heat, I think, I have not much memory of Friday night-- only that it took me a long time to unbend from the driver's seat. But I do recall a road adventure about an hour out from Cary.
Please, if you have not already found out the hard way, take my word for it: Taco Bell is not road food. I should have taken a cue from the woman who handed me the bag at the drive-thru window with a solicitous "Drive safely." A double-dip ice cream cone, with 90-degree temps and no air conditioning, would be far more manageable road food than a burrito. And never ever attempt driving while eating tacos-- hard or soft.
But I made it the last hour without mishap (Thank you, Guardian Angel). By the time I pulled into Mary Kay and Ken's driveway, I was near faint from the heat and weak from battling a burrito. So I don't feel the weekend started for me until Saturday morning.
Before moving into the day, Ken cleaned up a few things in the kitchen.
Then he went to the grocery store while Mary Kay and I brunched at Bojangle's. 
They have two of the sweetest dogs, Porkchop (aka Debbie) and Connelly, a must-be Irish fella with very red hair.
Dinner Saturday night was at On The Border (OTB), and we were joined by their daughter, Meghan, and her husband, Zack. Great dinner-- mojitos and margaritas, tamales, enchiladas, chopped salad, and I don't know what-all we had, but everything was very good and the service was great.
Back at the Foulke ranch, we watched two movies that night: The 300, and Everything Is Illuminated. Both were good, though The 300 had too much computer enhancement in my opinion. But I allow that computer animation greatly reduces the cost of special effects in many instances.
Everything is Illuminated I loved for its perception of time in this regard: The past travels alongside the present. And when Alex's grandfather took his own life, Alex philosophically comments, "Perhaps he wanted to end his present along with his past." I have never read Einstein's theories of Time, But I have read Alan Lightman's Einstein's Dreams, a very different novel employing various theories and how they might play out. For all the various theories of time, known and as yet unknown, the concept of an individual's past keeping up to the nanosecond with his present -- thus uniting personal experience and "time" -- explains for me why one can never undo anything that has been done. Why it is always necessary to try to do the right thing.
At one point, the three of us went to Barnes & Noble, but I don't recall if it was Saturday or Sunday. All I know is that we went between meals and movies.
Sunday brunch was at Golden Corral. My-oh-my. Last time I was there was the same one a year or so ago when my kids made a family week at the Outer Banks (see post further below). That time, Mary Kay and Ken treated. Seemed the very least I could do is reciprocate. If I ever decide I want to weigh 400 pounds, I will move closer to a Golden Corral. But once a year seems reasonable, and I was glad to hear that they, also, had not been to GC since spring 2008.
Sunday afternoon we watched Flawless. Michael Caine is eminently watchable, and Demi Moore probably did her best with the script, which was NOT flawless. That evening she and I watched four hours worth of The Stand (Stephen King). It's a 6-hour movie. Mary Kay would have rathered stop after the first 20 minutes, but 1) I wasn't giving up until after I've seen Ossie Davis, and 2) I was rather enjoying the variety of characters in this thing, some actual acting performances and some mere line-readers. Rob Lowe, of course, is very good. But I agreed to throw in the towel with only 2 hours left to go, mostly because it had become 1:00 A.M.
Monday morning Ken had gone to work by the time I woke up, so after gathering my things, Mary Kay and I went to -- Tah DAHHH -- Bojangle's. That repast marked the end of our visit, and perhaps the beginning of another near 50 years of friendship.
Please, if you have not already found out the hard way, take my word for it: Taco Bell is not road food. I should have taken a cue from the woman who handed me the bag at the drive-thru window with a solicitous "Drive safely." A double-dip ice cream cone, with 90-degree temps and no air conditioning, would be far more manageable road food than a burrito. And never ever attempt driving while eating tacos-- hard or soft.
But I made it the last hour without mishap (Thank you, Guardian Angel). By the time I pulled into Mary Kay and Ken's driveway, I was near faint from the heat and weak from battling a burrito. So I don't feel the weekend started for me until Saturday morning.
Before moving into the day, Ken cleaned up a few things in the kitchen.
Then he went to the grocery store while Mary Kay and I brunched at Bojangle's. 
They have two of the sweetest dogs, Porkchop (aka Debbie) and Connelly, a must-be Irish fella with very red hair.
Dinner Saturday night was at On The Border (OTB), and we were joined by their daughter, Meghan, and her husband, Zack. Great dinner-- mojitos and margaritas, tamales, enchiladas, chopped salad, and I don't know what-all we had, but everything was very good and the service was great.
Back at the Foulke ranch, we watched two movies that night: The 300, and Everything Is Illuminated. Both were good, though The 300 had too much computer enhancement in my opinion. But I allow that computer animation greatly reduces the cost of special effects in many instances.
Everything is Illuminated I loved for its perception of time in this regard: The past travels alongside the present. And when Alex's grandfather took his own life, Alex philosophically comments, "Perhaps he wanted to end his present along with his past." I have never read Einstein's theories of Time, But I have read Alan Lightman's Einstein's Dreams, a very different novel employing various theories and how they might play out. For all the various theories of time, known and as yet unknown, the concept of an individual's past keeping up to the nanosecond with his present -- thus uniting personal experience and "time" -- explains for me why one can never undo anything that has been done. Why it is always necessary to try to do the right thing.
At one point, the three of us went to Barnes & Noble, but I don't recall if it was Saturday or Sunday. All I know is that we went between meals and movies.
Sunday brunch was at Golden Corral. My-oh-my. Last time I was there was the same one a year or so ago when my kids made a family week at the Outer Banks (see post further below). That time, Mary Kay and Ken treated. Seemed the very least I could do is reciprocate. If I ever decide I want to weigh 400 pounds, I will move closer to a Golden Corral. But once a year seems reasonable, and I was glad to hear that they, also, had not been to GC since spring 2008.
Sunday afternoon we watched Flawless. Michael Caine is eminently watchable, and Demi Moore probably did her best with the script, which was NOT flawless. That evening she and I watched four hours worth of The Stand (Stephen King). It's a 6-hour movie. Mary Kay would have rathered stop after the first 20 minutes, but 1) I wasn't giving up until after I've seen Ossie Davis, and 2) I was rather enjoying the variety of characters in this thing, some actual acting performances and some mere line-readers. Rob Lowe, of course, is very good. But I agreed to throw in the towel with only 2 hours left to go, mostly because it had become 1:00 A.M.
Monday morning Ken had gone to work by the time I woke up, so after gathering my things, Mary Kay and I went to -- Tah DAHHH -- Bojangle's. That repast marked the end of our visit, and perhaps the beginning of another near 50 years of friendship.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Krell-VanEpps Wedding in Colfax, NC
The first weekend after I arrived at my daughter's in Simpsonville, SC, Lizanne and Emily and Sarah and I attended my nephew's wedding in NC. It was held at the Magnolia Manor, a beautiful site for outdoor wedding and indoor reception.
Here they are for first photo op as Mr & Mrs Jason VanEpps. It was a lovely ceremony, conducted by Ecumenical Minister Carole Drexel.
Forgive dates on photos as I wasn't able to get date stamp adjusted on my camera until the next day, when my son from Atlanta was visitng us in Simpsonville. Kevin brought his darling Murphy dog with him, driving up in his Eos convertible, which he'd bought last year.
Here they are for first photo op as Mr & Mrs Jason VanEpps. It was a lovely ceremony, conducted by Ecumenical Minister Carole Drexel.Forgive dates on photos as I wasn't able to get date stamp adjusted on my camera until the next day, when my son from Atlanta was visitng us in Simpsonville. Kevin brought his darling Murphy dog with him, driving up in his Eos convertible, which he'd bought last year.
In South Carolina
Arrived Simpsonville May 11. Drove down from Buffalo in Lynette''s car, 770 miles. Took me a bit over 14 hours. Left Bflo 4 a.m. and arrived here 7:30 p.m. Best for road trip: leave in the dark arrive in the light.
Since I've been here, I took Pauline for a drive for a couple of hours to give Alex a break. She is advanced Alzheimer's. Once she was buckled in and door locked, we were off. I drove to Woodruff, crossed the Enoree River someplace, on to Laurens and back through Fountain Inn. Lovely drive. We listened to some Paul Simon classics, and I think we (both, though hard to say) had a good time.
In Laurens, I had to foto a Redneck shop. Only in the South.
Last Wednesday I went to Seneca, SC to visit Cyndi, an old friend from Grand Forks, ND. Sweet little apartment she has:
We had a good time running around Seneca, Clemson, Anderson before I headed back to Simpsonville. This included a stop at Dairy Queen. I just had to give my opinion on the DQ Chocolate Truffle Blizzard. Thumbs up.
BTW, both my grandgirls had birthdays this month. I got here the day before Sarah's (13) and Emily's was yesterday (16). We had birthday party for Em on Sunday
Was a great time as she has so many good friends. About 6 of her grilfriends who were here for the party spent the night. Lizanne took the last of the boys home at 3:30 a.m. Maybe he was trying to spend the night LOL
Cyndi drove up from Seneca, also, yesterday. Peter had helped her with her laptop, so she picked that up and gave birthday presents to both girls. Very nice. And she and I went to the Grand Dragon buffet for a late lunch before she headed back home.
That was around 7:30 p.m. and I was so pooped that, even though Alex and Pauline were here, I went up just to lie down for a bit. . . and didn't wake up until 5:15 this morning.
This week should be a bit slower as less is going on. Maybe I'll get my address book recopied -- something I've been trying to do since January. LOL
Since I've been here, I took Pauline for a drive for a couple of hours to give Alex a break. She is advanced Alzheimer's. Once she was buckled in and door locked, we were off. I drove to Woodruff, crossed the Enoree River someplace, on to Laurens and back through Fountain Inn. Lovely drive. We listened to some Paul Simon classics, and I think we (both, though hard to say) had a good time.
In Laurens, I had to foto a Redneck shop. Only in the South.
Last Wednesday I went to Seneca, SC to visit Cyndi, an old friend from Grand Forks, ND. Sweet little apartment she has:
We had a good time running around Seneca, Clemson, Anderson before I headed back to Simpsonville. This included a stop at Dairy Queen. I just had to give my opinion on the DQ Chocolate Truffle Blizzard. Thumbs up.
BTW, both my grandgirls had birthdays this month. I got here the day before Sarah's (13) and Emily's was yesterday (16). We had birthday party for Em on Sunday
Was a great time as she has so many good friends. About 6 of her grilfriends who were here for the party spent the night. Lizanne took the last of the boys home at 3:30 a.m. Maybe he was trying to spend the night LOLCyndi drove up from Seneca, also, yesterday. Peter had helped her with her laptop, so she picked that up and gave birthday presents to both girls. Very nice. And she and I went to the Grand Dragon buffet for a late lunch before she headed back home.
That was around 7:30 p.m. and I was so pooped that, even though Alex and Pauline were here, I went up just to lie down for a bit. . . and didn't wake up until 5:15 this morning.This week should be a bit slower as less is going on. Maybe I'll get my address book recopied -- something I've been trying to do since January. LOL
Friday, January 9, 2009
OOH, just read first post. Guess what? Having raclette tonight!!! Yea, got one for Christmas and I love it. Can't wait until someone comes to visit and I can get it out again. Check out google or bed bath and beyond for some great raclette sites.
Haven't been anywhere lately
Finally set up this google account. Thinking better to stay home this summer but the girls have other ideas. I would love to go somewhere warm. I know my mother is laughing at me but Cancun sounds pretty good right now. Not sure how she survives winter after winter in Buffalo.
Oh well, better do something productive. More later when I know if we are going anywhere.
Oh well, better do something productive. More later when I know if we are going anywhere.
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